Derek leave Meredith
by natzbadfairy
Summary: Meredith and Derek are happy together when tragedy strikes and Meredith is left on her own. PLease don't hurt me when you read this story...just review


**Nobody hate me please!!! As the title suggests, Derek is dead or will die in this. I have one request for the readers and that is you listen to Celine Dion's, It's all coming back to me. That is the song I have based my fic around. Reviews are always welcome…including the death threats ) I just want to say about my other fics, expecially You have to keep going, i am sooooooo sorry that i have not updated in such a long time. Computer has been down and i'm using a public one. Please forgive me and i hope you will read it again once i start updating again. Please review )**

Meredith could feel everyone watching her as her world crumbled around her.

'Meredith…Meredith,' Her head shot up and looked at Mark who stood, his eyes blood shot, his arms holding up Addison. Meredith's body was shaking in shock. Walking over she hugged Addison, the two women realising that the man they had both loved was gone, never coming back. Meredith let out a large sob before crumbling to the ground, pulling Addison with her. Mark lifted her up from Addison's lap and held her close against his chest.

Izzie and Alex stood at the door, each of them unable to process what was happening. Burke and Christina stood back watching as the scene in front of them un folded, each of them in shock from the car accident that had claimed Derek's life. George, Bailey and the chief stood at the back, none of them knowing what to do, each of them lost in their thoughts.

Mark rocked Meredith back and forward but he didn't realise that he was making it worse for Meredith, her mind only thinking that this wasn't Derek holding her and never would be again. Standing up, she staggered out and down to Derek's exam room. She pushed the door open and stopped. He lay, his body covered with a white sheet from the waist down.

'Derek,' Meredith covered her mouth with her hand and walked over. His face was peaceful, the large dressing above his eye seeming to disappear from her gaze. She placed her trembling hand on top of his and lifted it up to the side of her face and kissed the back of it.

'Why did you leave me…you should have fought harder Derek…' Meredith grazed the side of his face and lifted the damp cloth that was sitting on the stand. Gently she wiped away the dried blood from his face and neck, his bare chest already wiped down, the large surgical scar still visible. Meredith sat for an hour when Mark came in, Addison holding on to him.

'The last time I seen him was this morning. We were play fighting over the last of the coffee, him winning saying that he had a surgery…I wish I had told him not to take the coffee. He wouldn't of been in the accident. He would still be here…he wouldn't have left me,'

'They need to take him down to the morgue,' Meredith shook her head.

'He's staying here…he's not going down there. It used to give him the creeps. He's not going.'

'He has to.'

'NO! HE'S STAYING HERE,' Meredith looked at Addison, Meredith's voice startling her. She walked over and lifted Meredith up to her feet. Meredith started pounding her chest until eventually she collapsed into it.

'please don't let them take him Addison…please…please don't take him,'

'ok…ok…they won't take him,' Meredith turned and sat back down next to Derek, her hand going back into his.

'I love you,' Meredith's head rested on Derek's chest, her heart hoping that his would start beating again. Mark leaned down on the window ledge, the tears slowly falling. Addison was beside Meredith, trying to be supportive.

'Derek…I…I'm pregnant,' Addison looked at Meredith and then to Mark who had spun around on his heels and was staring at Meredith.

'I was going to tell you this morning when we were messing about with the coffee but your pager went and you ran out the door before I could tell you. You're going to be a dad Derek…an actual dad…just like how we planned it,' Meredith choked out a sob before falling forward onto the bed.

'You have to be here…you were supposed to be here beside me,' Addison held onto Meredith, her hand in Meredith's cold palm. Mark lifted Meredith off Derek and sat down on the seat, Meredith leaning against him.

'I want Derek to come back…make him come back Mark…I need him to come back,'

'Meredith…he can't come back…no matter how much we want it…he's gone,' Meredith hit her fists off Marks chest before breaking down, finally accepting her reality.

Gagagagagagagagagagaagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagag

Meredith stood at the front of the church, Mark holding her up, Addison beside him. No one had dared say anything yet. The funeral was simple, but elegant, the way Derek would have wanted it, or so Addison had said. Meredith had sat back and let everyone else deal with it, she couldn't. The priest looked at Meredith and nodded his head.

She stood up and walked up to the front of the church, standing room only. She looked at Derek's four sisters who were behind Mark and Addison. Nancy was holding her mother, the elderly woman unable to bear it.

'Derek…he was…he was one of those people…that you never forgot…you never wanted to leave or let go of if you could…he was the one person you could turn to and he would make it all better. I loved him more than anything else and would have done anything for him…anything. I miss him so much and will never stop loving him…'

Meredith stepped down off the marble steps and walked past Mark and Addison, everyone staring at her as she walked out the church. Christina let go of Burke hand and followed her out, following her as she walked away into the graveyard.

'Meredith…you need to go back in,'

'no…I can't,'

'You need to,'

'NO…I can't do it…I just can't do it,'

'Meredith, you'll get through this,'

'I'm pregnant Christina,'

'oh god mere,' walking over, Christina took Meredith in her arms and held her as they watched the coffin be placed in the ground. Meredith's nails dug into Christina's palm.

'I'm your person…lean on me,' Meredith turned into Christina and buried her head into her shoulder.

No one stared at the sobbing wreck that Meredith had become, each of them now knowing what it was like to have your heart ripped out and ripped into pieces in your face. Meredith became a ghost, walking past people, not answering if people called her name for the rest of the day. As Christina slipped the black suit off of her back, she smirked.

'Derek always wanted a baby…we both did. We had been trying for a month…if he…he would have been so happy…he should be here,' Christina put her hand on Meredith's chest.

'He's in here…forever…don't ever forget that,' Meredith swallowed hard trying to keep herself from breaking for the 100th time that day. Christina changed Meredith and put her into bed.

'You need to sleep,'

'everything's empty…he filled it up…now it's empty…I'm empty…the house is empty…my life…even the bed…everything's empty,'

'In time mere…it won't feel so empty… I promise,'

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

'Derek, what have I told you about leaving your fishing stuff by the door?'

'Sorry mom, I'll get it in a minute,'

'You and Uncle Mark catch anything?'

'I caught three rainbow trout but gave one to Uncle Mark and Aunt Addison because he never caught any,'

'You want me to cook one?'

'Yeah please,'

'How was your last day of school?'

'it was cool, we got to skateboard in the staff car park. It rocks that I'm off for two months…two whole months,' Derek JR sat up on the breakfast bar stools and watched as Meredith cooked the fish.

'Are we going to see dad later?' Meredith looked at her son and just seen Derek. It had been 14 years since he had died and each day she thought of him.

'How did you know I was thinking about him?'

'Cause you always think of him when you cook,' Meredith nodded her head and smiled.

'You know something…we will go and see him later…maybe go to the movies after it,'

'I want to go to the ferryboats after it,' Meredith turned to the window and closed her eyes. She couldn't do both in one day. Their son was a walking clone of Derek, when she looked at him, she seen Derek. the house was filled with his photo's, every room having something of his.

'I'll do you a deal, we see dad today and then we got to the ferryboats tomorrow,'

'Deal,' Meredith stood at the kitchen sink and stared out over the land that was Derek's. The mist was rising up off the lake and she started laughing.

'What's so funny?'

'Come here,' Derek walked over and stood beside Meredith.

'Your dad and me took a while to get together. While we being just friends I heard that he was selling his land, and trailer,'

'Trailer?'

'Yeah, your dad lived in a trailer. But the only way I could convince him not to sell it was that I promised him that I would stand and watch the mist rise up off the lake one day and that he had to be with me,' Derek looked at Meredith and took hold of her hand.

'He is here mom…right beside you,' Meredith pulled their son over and ruffed his hair, the dark waved hair going everywhere.

'So, what do you want to go and see at the movies?' Meredith lifted her pager and then looked at Derek.

'You need to go?' Meredith shook her head.

'No, it's your aunt Addison asking if we were busy,'

'What has she got planned? I am not going to some fashion show to model again,'

'You looked cute,'

'My girlfriend was there with her mom. That was the most embarrassing moment of my life,'

'Yeah…so you want me to find out what she wants or do you want to go to the movies?'

'Find out what she wants and if it involves any public humiliation then we go to the movies,'

'Ok,' Meredith smiled and put the plate of fish down in front of Derek, handing him a fork at the same time.

'Addison, you paged,'

'What are you two up to?'

'We were going to see Derek and then the movies, why?'

'I was wondering if you fancy coming shopping as Mark has hatched an evil plan with Derek that he needs to carry out,'

'Evil plan?'

'I don't know and I don't want to know,' Meredith walked into the kitchen.

'What evil plan do you have with your uncle Mark?'

'Oh, yeah i forgot. I can't tell you. It's top secret,'

'Derek,'

'Sorry mom,'

'Addison, he says it's top secret,'

'Mark said the same. So you wanna let them carry out their evil plan and come shopping?'

'Yeah, ok, we'll be there in an hour or so,'

'Ok, bye,' Meredith put the phone back and watched Derek clear up the kitchen.

'You ready to go and see your dad?'

'Yeah,' Meredith lifted her keys and jacket and waited for Derek to grab his stuff.

'You had better not come back here covered in crap,'

'I won't,' Meredith laughed and threw Derek's stuff in the back of the car and listened as the Eurhythmics came blasting out of the speakers.

'We still doing the ferryboats tomorrow?'

'Yeah course we are,' Derek started dancing about to the music as Meredith drove to the cemetery. Pulling up the small road, the lump formed in her throat. Derek climbed out and stood facing the grave, telling Derek all that he had done.

After ten minutes he turned to Meredith and nodded his head. He walked down the path and out of Meredith's sight. She stood in front of the stone, her hands shaking.

'Hey…god every time I come here it doesn't get any easier…you still make me weak at the knees. Derek got an A in his maths and English. Mark and Addison are going away for a couple of days next week.

Christina and Burke are settled in New York now. Everyone else is the same as last week,' Meredith stepped forward and set on the grass, folding her legs in front of her.

'I seen the mist rise up off the lake this morning. The first time in 13 years. I was telling Derek about it and he said you were here beside me…Derek he is just you, a pure clone of you. I look at him and see you and all I want I want is for it to be you. I keep expecting you to walk in the door and tell me how your day was at the hospital but instead the door stays closed. Derek told me that I should go dating. Our son was telling me to go dating…I couldn't do that…I couldn't be with anybody else. Your it for me and always will be,'

Meredith wiped the tears that had fallen away with the back of her hand.

'I miss you…everyday I miss you and everyday it hurts just as bad as the day before. Derek wants me to make a photo album up of you. I already have but its pictures of me and you. I'll bring it here one day, let you see it…you would like it…it's just us, before and after Addison arrived. Never would have thought that your wife and your ex wife would be friends. We'll we are and Mark as well…he's like…he's Derek's male figure…except for the womanising bit…I told him to leave that bit out. Derek has a girlfriend, Louise. Her dads a cardiothoracic surgeon at the hospital. He took over from Burke, really nice guy. They met at a hospital function. Him in his tux, just looking like you did on prom. They are really happy. You'd like her…she your type of person,'

Meredith turned from the stone and looked at Derek who was standing at the car.

'Come here,' Derek sat down next to Meredith.

'Tell him about Louise,' Derek took hold of Meredith's hand.

'She 14 as well…em…she just like you. Loves the clash…more than you did,' Meredith chuckled and then looked at her watch.

'We had better get going,' Derek stood up and pulled Meredith to her feet. He walked over to the car and climbed in.

'I love you,' Meredith kissed her fingers and placed them on the stone, closing her eyes tightly to stop the tears falling. Stepping away she put her hands out as the rain started falling.

'You loved the rain,' Meredith ran round into the car and drove to Mark and Addison, listening to The rain hitting the windscreen, her thoughts still on Derek.

Gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith slammed the door shut and held onto the photo album.

'I told you I'd let you see it,' Meredith sat down next to the stone, her jacket wrapped around her tightly.

'Derek's at Louise's house, getting his 16th birthday present…use your imagination. Her parents are away for the weekend…he seemed really nervous…needed you to tell him everything would be ok. He stood at the window, the window wide opening talking to you…he was just like you,' Meredith un done the small pink ribbon at the side and opened the first page.

'That was the night of the prom…Addison and Mark, Me and you. This was the day of the water fight…we were both soaking…through to the bone. Your mom gave me this one of us at Christmas. The two of us were buried in the snow…Nancy had to get us out,' Meredith started laughing but it turned into sobs.

'I hated you so much for leaving us…you left me, pregnant. I wish i had told you…you would have stayed, not went out so early. You should have been in the house with me, not out on the road…I wish…I wish you were there when I needed you…all the time,' Meredith stood up and kissed the head stone before driving back to the house.

She went to the kitchen cupboard and lifted out her bottle of tequila. She knew Derek wouldn't be back tonight, so tonight was her night, alone, in her and Derek's house, the house he was supposed to have been there to see getting built. She collapsed onto her bed, her grasp still tight on her photo album. As she flicked through each page, the tequila bottle stayed full, her mind on Derek.

'Hello?'

'Meredith, is Derek with you?' Meredith instantly thought he meant her Derek.

'Derek's been dead for 16 years Alex,'

'No, Derek JR,'

'No, he's at Louise' house. Why?'

'No he's not, Louise is in the trauma room,'

'Shit,' Meredith got off the bed and changed into her scrubs, not caring that they were covered in perfume.

'What's happened?'

'Hit and run. Major lacerations to her arms and legs, GCS of six, BP 90 over 60. ICP is stable but has risen slightly since she came in,'

'Hang a bag of manitol if it rises anymore. I'll be there in 5 minutes,' Meredith ran out the bedroom, lifting her keys and pager as she went. The front door opened and Derek walked in.

'Mom?'

'Derek, you need to come with me,'

'What's wrong?'

'Just come with me,' Meredith sped round the corners, ignoring Derek's plea's for her to tell him what was happening.

'Take these to my locker and come and find me. I'll be at trauma,' Meredith ran on into the hospital and went straight to the trauma rooms. Louise was attached to a board, her eyes darting frantically around the room.

'Meredith?'

'Yeah, it's me Louise, can you tell me what hurts?'

'I can't feel my feet…I can't fell my feet,'

'Ok, just relax,'

'Get her sent for a CT and an MRI, head and spinal. Keep her as still as possible,' Meredith did small tests to see if she could feel her legs, both were still moving.

'Meredith, Derek's outside,' Meredith looked at Alex.

'You got her?'

'Yeah,' Meredith ripped the gloves off and went outside, Derek seeming to have an idea that someone he knew was in there.

'Mom, what's happening?'

'Why did you come home?'

'Louise asked me to go…her gran came over and she knew her gran would give her a huge lecture. She was going to come over to ours later. What's happened?'

'Louise was in an Accident,' Derek turned and went into the exam room. He stopped dead in his tracks, the sight of her catching him off guard.

'Louise?'

'Derek…I was coming over to see you…I'm sorry,' Derek lifted her hand and kissed the back of it.

'It's ok…I'm not going any where,' Meredith paged Mark who came down almost instantly.

'How long has she been here for?'

'I don't know Mark. He won't leave her side,'

'He's your son, he can stay with her…all the time,'

'Her mom and dad though. They need to be contacted,'

'You can get some else to do it, you need to be here with him,' Meredith pulled up a stool and sat next Derek.

'Are you in any pain Louise?'

'A bit, my arm,' Meredith administered morphine and stood back, giving them space.

'Derek, help him out here, please…help him out,'

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Derek helped ease Louise down into the wheel chair, her side still bruised badly.

'Your mom and dad are ok about you staying with us?' Meredith tucked the blanket around Louise.

'Yeah, they don't want me staying in the house myself. Dad would come back but mom says she has a feeling that I'm ok,' Derek took her hand and kissed it.

'I wouldn't let you be on your own,' Meredith handed Derek the keys and lifted Louise's bag down off the bed.

'I'll get you guys down there in a minute, put the wheelchair in the back of the car,' Derek started pushing Louise, whispering in her ear. Meredith watched them from the bridge as they left the hospital, the smile on her face growing.

'You ok?' Meredith looked at Addison and nodded her head.

'Yeah…he was just like Derek during the whole thing, he stayed beside her while she was in the hospital, only leaving if I was there with her. He was just Derek,' Addison rubbed Meredith's back.

'I miss him Addison…everyday I miss him like I did when he first…' Meredith bit her tongue to stop the tears.

'I know…like it was yesterday that he died. Just remember that you two made something so precious, and even if he's not here to see it, he's watching you and him, keeping an eye out for you guys,' Meredith looked at Addison and smiled.

'Thank you,' Addison hugged Meredith, giving her support that she would crumble without.

'I'll see you tonight at seven, be in pig out clothes,'

'Why?'

'Just, you'll see,' Meredith smiled and went down to the car, Derek sitting beside Louise in the back, holding onto her hand.

'You ready to go?'

'Yeah,' Meredith watched them in the back of the car, both of them making each other smile. Meredith eased Louise out the car and up the stairs, Derek lifting her bag and wheel chair up into the house. Louise sat on the bar stool, her elbows leaning down on the table.

'I want to talk to you guys,' Derek sat down and took hold of Louise's hand.

'Now, about who's sleeping where,'

'Ill sleep on the couch and Louise can sleep in my bed,'

'Derek, hold on. You two can both sleep in the spare bedroom, where the double bed is. I trust both of you and I know you's are both careful so you can sleep in the same bed. Plus it's safer for Louise not to be alone at night,' Derek and Louise smiled at each other and then to Meredith.

'So, what take away do we phone?'

'Pizza,'

'Ham and pineapple,' Both of them nodded in agreement with each other.

'Pizza it is,'

gagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagagaga

Meredith lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

'Your thinking about dad,'

'How can you tell?'

'You have that look that says your talking to him,' Derek walked over and lay down on the bed next to Meredith.

'What was dad like? I know the stuff he liked and what he done, habits and stuff but what was he like?' Meredith turned on her side to face Derek.

'He was the same as you. He would have been the same as you if I had been Louise. He could always…make me smile and always made Monday mornings ok. Doing 48 hour shifts were always made interesting by your dad flirting with the patients in front of Miranda,'

'I can just imagine her giving dad a lecture,' Meredith laughed at the thought.

'Do you wish he was still here?'

'Everyday,' Meredith was trying to stop herself from crying but was failing miserably.

'He would have loved you so much, done all the stuff uncle Mark does with you…only ten times better,' Derek smiled.

'If I hadn't had you…I wouldn't of got through it…you pulled me through it and still do,' Meredith heard a small groan and ran through to the spare bedroom. Louise was lying, holding onto her side.

'Louise…I need you to lie still for me,' Louise kept her grip on her side.

'Louise, baby, I'm right here,' Derek sat on the bed next to her, his voice and hands soothing.

'Derek, keep her still,' Meredith injected the left side of Louise's stomach and watched as she instantly relaxed.

'You ok?'

'Yeah…it hurt so bad,'

'It will. Shout if you guys need anything,' Derek moved Louise so that she was lying on top of him, his arms wrapped around her as she slowly fell asleep again.

'Mere?'

'In here Addison,' Meredith poured two glasses of wine and started laughing when Addison came in, her hair pulled back loosely, her make up gone, her pyjamas hanging loosely from her body.

'You ready to have a girls night watching chick flicks?' Meredith nodded her head and handed Addison a glass of wine.

'How's Louise?'

'Sleeping. Derek's with her,'

'You letting them share a bed?'

'Yeah, I trust them and I know they've already slept together. They know to be careful and that I trust them to do the right thing. Plus she's in no fit state to be having sex and it's safer if some on is with her during the night,'

'Fair enough. Now Bridget Jones or Four weddings and a funeral?' Meredith laughed and realised that although Derek was gone, she had to keep going, if not for their sons sake or her own, but for Derek's memory.

**I am sorry that i havn't updated...please forgive me...and review ) **


End file.
